It’s me, Satan the Cat, reporting on my weekend. I’ve been very naughty, especially Sunday night when Catherine was over. I jumped on her four times (in six attempts), causing her to lose her voice because she is very allergic. This made a lot of people happy, thrilled in fact, and they’ve promised me good money if I can keep it up.
Gloria scolded me, but I fluffed it off. I’ve got her fooled. She thinks she’s training me (that stuff with the paw), but really it’s the other way around. I lounge around the house all day on pillows and stuff while she puts together tasty meals and grooms my coat.
Sometimes friends come over and I run wild! I stand on the table, then go out into the hall and try to get on the elevator, and Gloria gets whipped up. My favorite trick is to jump on guests then run over their electronic devices, leaving paw prints all over the place. What fun! What would the world be without me? A dull and boring place.
Danny tries to teach me things, but I don’t listen to him either. I just play along. Really that’s the best way with humans. What do they know? It’s a cat’s world. Just look at all the videos of us all over the web. We far outnumber people. I’ve begged Gloria to take me to the studio, but she won’t listen. Maybe I can slip into her bag.
My moment is coming though, and someday there will be news crews lined up two deep outside the door. She’ll take notice then. One day she’ll be down at the Film Forum munching on popcorn and I’ll appear up there on the silver screen. (I hear it’s nice down there, lots of mice. I could munch on those.)
For now, I’m just going to rest up and take it easy. I work hard to maintain my beauty. And I’m so beautiful I can barely stand it. It’s too much–for me and everyone else. So that’s all for the moment. More later. Right now, I have an important nap to attend to.
Satan, the Naughty Cat